(Near Six Months) Sober

It’s been a long time coming
And I’m only near two third there
It gets hard, then it gets easier
But I know the sun will finally get here
And you better steer clear

Cause I been near 6 months clean
Sober, stone cold turkey
Getting to that place where you can no longer hurt me
One day I’ll reach that place
Where I won’t want to rip your heart out
And punch you in the face
But for right now I’m sober
And learning my own space

You where a drug impossible to get off
No matter the repercussions
I stayed for the effects
Wore you like a trophy as you did to me
I want a man and you wanted a plastic Barbie
Still an achievement in my eyes
And you? Hardly

It’s harder since you been gone
Better undoubtedly as you hurting games are done
Was easier to double up of you
Than face the reality that to myself I was untrue
I was never a yes girl you desired
Life became too complicated
And still my arm I tied; to dose back up
To keep crying was easier than giving up

But now I’m near six months sober
And darlin, I’m getting over, so dayam over
Over the coud-have-been’s
Over your needle sticking into me
Over my heart that never ceased to bleed
And soon I’ll be over the repercussions to my ego
Cause I deserve the best, if only I had known.

KLN 2010

Plight

Plight

I’m always feeling like I’m falling
Expecting someone to see
And for them to repeat it to me so I don’t forget
Constantly reminding me I’m not good enough

And every time I pick myself back up
Dust of my shoulders and feel like I’m getting myself
Back on track
You see me fall again
And here we go again

Because I feel I always come second in this race
And no matter how hard I push
I just can’t seem to gain first place
And again I’m unimportant and my efforts are replaced

Replaced with how I fell
Not who I am, or how hard I try
But replaced with what’s outside
And I fall, fall into a hole so deep inside
That all I see is black
I sit and cry

I sit and cry
Till I get back up and dust of my shoulders
Start to feel like I’m climbing back up to the light
Till you start to muffle my light
And here we go again
Your voice is always the beginning of my plight

KLN 2010

Pink Elephant

Pink Elephant
It’s too hard to keep going round and round
Pretending its not there
And we can’t hear the sounds
There’s a pink elephant in the room
And we daren’t speak
In case our hearts cut, and begin to leak

Well the pink elephants not going anywhere
We’re still in the position we were back there
And everyday its getting harder and harder
Treading on eggshells, you forget my age
Treat me like a child, every page reads the same
We never progress and stand still in our pain

Well I think its time for me to get gone
You want to stand still and not admit your wrong
It takes two to dance my heart can’t keep breaking
Chance after chance
You chose her so long ago, for me there’s no hope
And you couldn’t do the one thing I wanted more
So you needn’t worry no more, I know how to use the door.

KLN 2010

MY YOUTUBE!

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cheers me dears!!! love <3 xxx

A'

A'

somedays i'm reminded that its hard
that knocks me right back to the start
but when it comes down to it
i know you never deserved my heart

once, twice, three times
you'd knock me for six
stand from your tower
and smile at my scattered bits
and know one will ever know
how it felt to feel like this

your actions always spoke louder than your words
they'd surround my skies
and rain wasnt far behind
best thing you ever did was when you said goodbye

i know no matter where i position
i can speak the word of your god
and you still wouldnt listen
cause all the time has passed
and now i'm far gone finished

love you's, hate you's have surpassed
the end has finally been and gone
i finally learnt who you are
someone who'll never learn to love someone else
too consumed with your own heart.

DEAR AARON.....

dear aaron, in case you didnt know, i spent a day and a half crying over you, then i realised WTF am i doing? after all the controlling, condescending, selfish, self involved freak has now gone, i can finally be myself without being told i am wrong, that im not good enough, that i have to change for your agenda (because according to you the world arrolves around you) and for you who didn't know, he's an asshole that treated me like less than the dirt on his shoe. and if you think i spent anymore time weeping over you, sweetheart, you need to check yourself. i can pick anyone up -tonight 2 numbers BREDRIN. thats right, now i'll waste no more time on you than you did to me. have a miserable life sweetheart, thats all you are worth :)

DEAR ARRON.....

dear aaron, in case you didnt know, i spent a day and a half crying over you, then i realised WTF am i doing? after all the controlling, condescending, selfish, self involved freak has now gone, i can finally be myself without being told i am wrong, that im not good enough, that i have to change for your agenda (because according to you the world arrolves around you) and for you who didn't know, he's an asshole that treated me like less than the dirt on his shoe. and if you think i spent anymore time weeping over you, sweetheart, you need to check yourself. i can pick anyone up -tonight 2 numbers BREDRIN. thats right, now i'll waste no more time on you than you did to me. have a miserable life sweetheart, thats all you are worth :)