HOW DU LIKE DEM APPLES BIATCH

if I had known now back then, i wouldn't have give you a chance. but If i haven't had met you -i wouldn't be the person I am today. I can only thank you for the pain, and thank myself for coming out of it. I don't hate you -i'm not even sure if i have the full energy to pity you. but I do know you cross my mind and the background theme song is ALWAYS Beyonce's 'Best Thing I Never Had'.

I'm going into the new year knowing truly what I am capable, who I've become and where I want to go. and no man will ever again tell me its not possible, because 'seeing is decieving (and baby) dreaming is believing'

In the entire time I was with you I learnt only these things: to use face wash instead of face wipes to wash my face, brush my teeth before bed, and that you're not even human -oh and that I'll NEVER let someone like you back in my life ever again (even if yo are a one off! and yes that is a bad thing in your case!! LOL)

2012 WILL BE my year for true love: for myself and a special someone.

SO no, you didnt fuck me up, youre the only one that is stuck in monochrome honey....I can move on and I'm THANKFUL its without you...dem apples must hurt like a biatch that the balls in my court. oh well sweet heart, heres my final famous words

KISS MY ASS BIATCH!!!!!!!! :P HAHA!!!!.

Can't Change A Man

So i'm finally standing in front of you
its been a year, and god i wish i didnt have to
but fate brought this round
and i cant run now, cause though you broke me down
i've gotta still be the bigger perosn, somehow

and all i kep thinking is what to say
each word ive already rehearsed is never ok
i'm still stumbling and trying not to cry on them
cause though i know your not worth a single letter
you're presence is only a reminder of how i was raped of my hearts words
and i know theres really no point in trying
cause i was never to believe a man could change

i never knew how to get through to your head
let alone your heart
so i think whats best is to to keep walking
yeah, straight past, you
dont you know that i'm so over you
and though i still cant find the worse to vocalize how
i can just feel it, you didnt deserve me back then
and i'm dayam sure you dont deserve me now

you showed me what a man shouldnt be
and i'm searching for what love should be
i may not be where i'm treading to right now
but i know i'll get there, without your hold back
cause since you've been erased, i've finally learned to breathe
and for the first time in my life i'm happy in my space
falling in love with myself, looking forward to amazing days.

Goodbyes

I thought i knew what true love was
till i stared you staight in the eyes
she took away all we had and filled you with all her lies
and i loved you so much
trusted you with my heart
and all i can look forward to now is our goodbyes

i never saw this coming to an end
but till you awake
theres nothing left to say
as I've lost,
so are you, and she got her way

a trickle of hope runs throught the bavk of my mind
that someday
you'll find our light again
but i dont have the paitience to sit and wait for when
i've taken enough beatings and wont do it again
and i darent ask for a heart to be lent

i didnt see it coming to this
but if i had just one wish
we could go back to the days
where you played Dad
and i knew you had my back
and i didnt have to sit here crying
reminiscing of what we had.

KLN 2010

London Eye bloggy wog

So I here, sitting outside the London eye on my lunchbreak (which btw I have been counting down the hours till since I started at 9am) and I'm contemplating, reminiscing, u know you have those moments. As I'm fruit to it it the place is swarmed with bloody tourists, screaming children and mr Big Ben to contend with, can't we just enjoy the 26 degree heat without the tourists and babies at least? For moment I looked accross all the people and (some may say sadly) thought 'not one of these could be a potential man. Since breaking up with my ex was probably the hardest thing I've emotionally had to go through (for all who know me will understand why) I spend my days on boring placements thinking 'he wa such a dick and I hope he rota in he'll thinking of the speeches I would say if I saw his weedy little ass again. But so much has happened since him leaving, for 1) LIFE. fo the first time in my life I know who I am and I won't change for no one or nothing, and this is probably the only good think that came outta that 'relationship'. Think of how far I've come in my life with the struggle of people always trying to change me to appeal to their ways than allowing myself to be myself. He suffocated me and I wa dying and now he's gone I've never felt more free and able to breathe than before, it's amazing.
It just saddens me that I've had no one to talk to through all this, and once again I'm taking care of myself, which I've come to realise and accept this is the best way neways, u gotta look put for number one cause no one else will. Saying this I've starting to put mydssires at the fore front, no longer wanted to be the fat kid with the line 'no guys I like go for me cauS elf my weight' crap I've taken time out for myself for the first time in years and started running and swimming :). Last nite I ran the longest I've done in a damn long time and it's a testament to myself showing what I can do when I put my mind to it. And so far I'm 4 pounds off from polemic a stone! Only 2 more to go! But stilt hats amazing achievement and my perseverance and dedication to the course is clearly paying off physically and emotionally! :)

Nehoes that must be the closing of my first blog in a while, suns gone in and so mist I to work! Adios amigos xx

'L.O.V.E'

so here we are again
it's like ground hog day
save your breath
i already know how i'm feeling
and what your going to say

my heart has sunk
with the return to your turf
every day i'm here
i'm reminded how little i'm worth
so let me take my love back
so i can cover how much it hurts

you continue to play your blind
they say outta sight outta mind
well i guess it must be true
cause i've already started to die
and you've shut your eyes

continue to pretend
years gone by; still no end
and i've gone, oh how my heart left
and now you can keep you ignorance
close to your heart -in your top left
for i wont return -thats a sure bet.

Over.

So I guess its over
I guess were done
Once again you've not won
Here by myself and
As i count down from two
Back to one
The road seems less lonlier than were've i come

I'm still heading down this route
Seeing who i meet
And if they're ever be a you
Because if i'm honest
Each day without a significant other
Is only another stepping stone deeper into these waters
A step further to my untimely death with love

I guess staying positive is harder than one could ever have thought
Cause as i've learn through time
Love just can't be bought
And the only thing i've learnt is how to be alone
So i'll repress my reality knowing i'll live alone for years to come
Pretednd to you love that my belief can come undone
When i know that in truth i dont know when i've ever won

Sisters Word

Sisters Word

i'm sorry i'm not there
i'm sorry i've been a shit sister
but sorry dont show i care
sorry means i feel the guilt
that today its become uncomfortably normal
for all the blood thats been spilt
and i'm hoping now i can make a change
and the bridge thats burnt the distance between us
can be re-built

cause i love you no matter where in the world i'll be
not a day goes by when i worry if you happy
and that the years gone passed are days too long
knowing how i've done you wrong and want you with me
cause i cant change the past
but we're yet to write our future
so lets write something that'll ever last

and i look forward to the day we re-unite
i fantasize how we'll run towards eachother will all our might
i'll give you the best day of your whole life
and we'll catch up, catch some jokes
relive the past and start to fix what broke
cause this is reality, i dont need to no hope
cause i'll keep my word and get you to where i am
cause this is a sisters word, this is my promise
and from this day forth i'll always do what i should have done
and do for you all i can.

KLN Feb 2010

Tell It Like It Is (Big Girl)

Tell It Like It Is (Big Girl)

If you aint on it
Then please just let me know
Quit wasting my time and tell me the truth
I’m a big girl don’t you know
In the end it’s all just sticks and stones
And I can’t spend the rest of our days
Feeling this way
So just be up front
Then we can just part ways

I don’t have time for words
Baby I need actions
And if you can’t be a man
Then my heart needs retractin
Cause I need a lover
Who’s going to make things happen
And if you cant be there when you say you will
Then I need to remove you from my line
Baby you know that’s the deal

Date time place you say you’re on it
Then days pass and you gone silent
Baby your disappearance makes my days
Less than vibrant
So lets be honest with each other
And lets jus say the words
We all like to avoid
Baby be a man, stop acting like a boy
And tell me where I stand
I’m a big girl don’t you know
Don’t need anyone to hold my hand

Cause whether you’re here or not
Ill still be getting me where I need to be
Up here, over there, nothings changed
My skins getting thicker, I’m learning not to care
So lets get straight talking for a moment
Dayam, if you dare tell it like it is
I don’t expect anything less
Cause at the end of the day wont matter anyway
Cause I aint a run around chick
And I don’t have a reason to stay
This aint a game; its time to press stop on your play.

KLN FEB 2010

Lesson Learned

I don't know what you want
But I suppose it doesn't matter
You're the past
and i wanna leave you there
You never thought twice back then
And the future won't make you care

I'm not going to that place with you again
I already took your hand to the bitter end
And I came out with nothin'
I went to the deepest darkest depths of my soul
To a place I never thought I'd know
And I lost me for you: pointless journey
But I was naive and willing to be your fool

But now I've grown with my own light holding in the palm of my hands
And now I get it
Now I see it
Now I'm ready to breathe it, take it, be it
Be consumed by it in every form
Cause I can see what's ahead of me
And it don't include you
You were a lesson well learned, a bridge that i willingly burned
I took five minutes to watch and reflect
And then I turned
Turned to where I'm supposed to be.

KLN Jan 2011

Sweetheart

sweetheart, don't you wish her sugar
was as good as mine
don't you wish her richness
reached to fyne
cause you'll never find another i
no sweetheart, you'll never find yourself
a precious lil dime

you thought you were the right king of you castle
put me at the bottom
sittin in your lil cell
follow you around at you're ever bell
well i aint no holla chick
and now i'm gone you got no one to satisfy your dick
no one to stumble for ya, no one to fall
cause now i gone sweetheart,
she aint got nuttin on me, you know that fool

when comes down to the nitty gritty
you cant find me in her, no matter how you itty bitty her
you can tap her all you want
but she aint got the jokes like me, the ass like me
the smile, baby since i been gone
you'll never get another with this chicks identity
cause they always say you miss a good thing when its gone
and you still be hollerin, thinkin i'm holdin on
but baby, you couldn't, nah, you couldn't be anymore wrong

and she can statisfy you in the bedroom
give you foot massages, put ya in your thrown
then she'll see the error of her ways
and I'll enjoy seein you back on your own
cause aint it a bitch sweetheart when karma comes knockin
fate something no one can be stoppin
oh sweetie pie, my love of my life
its been heaven since you been gone
cause it seems since i been livin,
you started to subside :)

These are all random verses of freestyle verses i've literally written now. all about different things (but spose kinda tie)

theres a million things i could tell you
but none of them would say it right
i would love to love you
i would love to stay friends
i would love this to be simple
either way we gotta bit the bullet and not pretend

and baby i would love nothin more
than you to come and go
i'll break it simply to you though
once your gone
you better stay gone
because now i've stopped running from
the truth, i can see the light
and how you falter the way you do
fool me once, but not again
truthfully we could never be friends

.....................

**Karma**

you broke my heart the way you did
stabbed me right through the heart
ripped it out with the knife, tore it apart
threw it on the floor then spat on the remains
continued to laugh through the rain
you never did know how to use your reigns
but now its over and your thinkin of me
and i've moved on, the tables have turned
and i'm enjoying you swimming in your pain
because aint karma a bitch, aint it sore
doesnt it kill you more and more each day
i know i dont have to say a word
cause i know karma will make you sorry anyway

...............

baby arent we crossing that boarder
so close to the edge, i can feel myself slipping of the ledge
and i dont want to loose you, i dont want to loose him
come to know someone amazing
but he wants to come in, and i only see friends
so what shall i do? shall i sink or swim?
shall i drown in this rain; continue in this game
or shall i stay? stay even though i know he'l recipracate
he wont say whats written in his thoughts
we could all die here if he doesnt do what he ought
so will someone tell me how to survive
cause at the end we both need to still be alive

and if i had felt the same
i woulda dragged this boat back to the shore
and

(Near Six Months) Sober

It’s been a long time coming
And I’m only near two third there
It gets hard, then it gets easier
But I know the sun will finally get here
And you better steer clear

Cause I been near 6 months clean
Sober, stone cold turkey
Getting to that place where you can no longer hurt me
One day I’ll reach that place
Where I won’t want to rip your heart out
And punch you in the face
But for right now I’m sober
And learning my own space

You where a drug impossible to get off
No matter the repercussions
I stayed for the effects
Wore you like a trophy as you did to me
I want a man and you wanted a plastic Barbie
Still an achievement in my eyes
And you? Hardly

It’s harder since you been gone
Better undoubtedly as you hurting games are done
Was easier to double up of you
Than face the reality that to myself I was untrue
I was never a yes girl you desired
Life became too complicated
And still my arm I tied; to dose back up
To keep crying was easier than giving up

But now I’m near six months sober
And darlin, I’m getting over, so dayam over
Over the coud-have-been’s
Over your needle sticking into me
Over my heart that never ceased to bleed
And soon I’ll be over the repercussions to my ego
Cause I deserve the best, if only I had known.

KLN 2010

Plight

Plight

I’m always feeling like I’m falling
Expecting someone to see
And for them to repeat it to me so I don’t forget
Constantly reminding me I’m not good enough

And every time I pick myself back up
Dust of my shoulders and feel like I’m getting myself
Back on track
You see me fall again
And here we go again

Because I feel I always come second in this race
And no matter how hard I push
I just can’t seem to gain first place
And again I’m unimportant and my efforts are replaced

Replaced with how I fell
Not who I am, or how hard I try
But replaced with what’s outside
And I fall, fall into a hole so deep inside
That all I see is black
I sit and cry

I sit and cry
Till I get back up and dust of my shoulders
Start to feel like I’m climbing back up to the light
Till you start to muffle my light
And here we go again
Your voice is always the beginning of my plight

KLN 2010

Pink Elephant

Pink Elephant
It’s too hard to keep going round and round
Pretending its not there
And we can’t hear the sounds
There’s a pink elephant in the room
And we daren’t speak
In case our hearts cut, and begin to leak

Well the pink elephants not going anywhere
We’re still in the position we were back there
And everyday its getting harder and harder
Treading on eggshells, you forget my age
Treat me like a child, every page reads the same
We never progress and stand still in our pain

Well I think its time for me to get gone
You want to stand still and not admit your wrong
It takes two to dance my heart can’t keep breaking
Chance after chance
You chose her so long ago, for me there’s no hope
And you couldn’t do the one thing I wanted more
So you needn’t worry no more, I know how to use the door.

KLN 2010

MY YOUTUBE!

If you read my blog, please please PLEASE subscribe to my youtube! i REALLY want to reach to 100 subscribers by my 25th birthday! thats the 22/11. so sub or be square! this is a video from this week :D

check me out on www.youtube.com/imlianesoul

cheers me dears!!! love <3 xxx

A'

A'

somedays i'm reminded that its hard
that knocks me right back to the start
but when it comes down to it
i know you never deserved my heart

once, twice, three times
you'd knock me for six
stand from your tower
and smile at my scattered bits
and know one will ever know
how it felt to feel like this

your actions always spoke louder than your words
they'd surround my skies
and rain wasnt far behind
best thing you ever did was when you said goodbye

i know no matter where i position
i can speak the word of your god
and you still wouldnt listen
cause all the time has passed
and now i'm far gone finished

love you's, hate you's have surpassed
the end has finally been and gone
i finally learnt who you are
someone who'll never learn to love someone else
too consumed with your own heart.

DEAR AARON.....

dear aaron, in case you didnt know, i spent a day and a half crying over you, then i realised WTF am i doing? after all the controlling, condescending, selfish, self involved freak has now gone, i can finally be myself without being told i am wrong, that im not good enough, that i have to change for your agenda (because according to you the world arrolves around you) and for you who didn't know, he's an asshole that treated me like less than the dirt on his shoe. and if you think i spent anymore time weeping over you, sweetheart, you need to check yourself. i can pick anyone up -tonight 2 numbers BREDRIN. thats right, now i'll waste no more time on you than you did to me. have a miserable life sweetheart, thats all you are worth :)

DEAR ARRON.....

dear aaron, in case you didnt know, i spent a day and a half crying over you, then i realised WTF am i doing? after all the controlling, condescending, selfish, self involved freak has now gone, i can finally be myself without being told i am wrong, that im not good enough, that i have to change for your agenda (because according to you the world arrolves around you) and for you who didn't know, he's an asshole that treated me like less than the dirt on his shoe. and if you think i spent anymore time weeping over you, sweetheart, you need to check yourself. i can pick anyone up -tonight 2 numbers BREDRIN. thats right, now i'll waste no more time on you than you did to me. have a miserable life sweetheart, thats all you are worth :)

Friends Pt 2

Friends Pt 2

Don’t think I could ever conclude
Just how you do
How you come, how you stay
How you leave, you make it easy
To walk away
Don’t hold it against me if friends
Just aint on my agenda
When what you did is all I can remember

All the good has gone
Your true colours have been undone
And I can see you in the dark
I can see you have no heart
Now I know I never knew who you are
Cause you brought the clouds over my sunshine
And smiled as you did it

You had it twisted
You thought pain was love
And love was pain
Everyday we went round and round
Doing it again
I was road kill if I was blocking your way
You never knew what happiness felt like
And I doubt you will one day

Last famous words
‘still want to be friends’
excuse me if that’s not in my plans
as I can’t go round again
once was enough, twice was a fool
Eternity for my heart would be cruel

Goodbye ‘friend’ into my black
I’m never doing that again
I’ll never looking back.

KLN Oct 2010

Part Time

Personal experiences inspired this, a ma gurl named it. learn to be better, fast

Part Time

Don’t need no part time friends
No part time lover
They say if it’s fo sure
You’ll handle the truth and not stutter
But already I see the cracks in the faith
Were starting to slip outta place

They say if it’s meant to be
It’ll all come back to me
Before I was young and innocent
Only knew how to be naive
Now I’m trynna be the friend I need
And if you cant handle the truth
Then maybe its time you leave

I aint got no time to stop and stare
Talk about the minor tings
Sweetheart I don’t care
I want you here for the end of time
But if you don’t feel the same
Don’t waste my time
Be upfront and don’t lie
Honesty will get you far
And we can either stay or say goodbye

Aint got no time for a part time
Lover or friend
I’m in it for the good
(We’ll get through the bad)
You’ll be the best friend I ever had
Cause if you’re here for the long haul
We can make it through the times
We have to run or when we gotta crawl
And if your not here for tomorrow
Then baby, spose you better be straight up and ball.